I was looking for something in my gmail inbox this evening,
and the search inadvertently led me to a trip down the memory lane..chats,
emails, photographs…it was amazing, the kind of things the search threw up.
I have a tendency to exasperate mankind with my telephonic
skills (or lack of them). I never pick up the phone because I hate talking on
the phone…give me whatsapp or BBM any day. However, before the existence of the
smart phone, Google chats/emails/SMSes were the best way to get in touch with
me. So I suddenly started reading chats and emails from way long ago and I was
intrigued at the kind of conversations I’ve had with various friends and family
members over the years.
It is always said that one must look forward and “move on”
(oh how I wish I could ban those two words from the English language. You would
think heartbreaks and broken relationships have been long enough in existence
for us to have come up with some new cool term, but obviously not- I digress). Although I do tend to either day dream about
the future or romanticize the past, I have become more practical over time and have gotten better at moving onward and forward. It was hence, after a long time
that I looked back.
This time however, the old emails and chats didn’t so much
upset or depress me, as they did amaze me. It’s fascinating how, when one’s
eyes aren’t blurred by tears, heart by emotion and mind with memories, one
suddenly starts looking at things objectively. I was able to read chat conversations
more as a dispassionate third party observer than a wrong doer or a victim. I
was suddenly able to understand why some of my friendships lasted and some didn’t. What had worked for me professionally and what hadn't. Words which had hurt me deeply back then seemed like very astute feedback now.
At the same time, praise and flirtations that had made me giddy with happiness
back in the day amused me now with their shallow pretense. Relationship advice that I had given and received entertained me to no end..but the innocence and
naive beliefs in some of them touched a chord even today. Its strange how we
thought we could conquer the world in our teens, the corporate world in our
twenties but now, as we approach our thirties, even finding a life partner and
an engaging job seem like impossible tasks.
Clichéd as it will sound, time is the best healer. However, it’s not a bad thing to look back
sometimes. You will gain confidence by seeing how much you have grown, how much
you have endured and how you have still survived. Recollections of those
mornings when getting out of bed seemed like an arduous task will amuse you
because you have now dealt with bigger blows that life threw your way. Mails of genuine praise from old bosses, heartfelt gratitude
from friends for standing by them will give you the confidence that you do have
your core nature intact…it just needs some encouragement and nudging to display itself
again. You will also see what your world seemed like when you didn’t know fear,
didn’t know pain… maybe it will motivate you to imbibe that perspective again
today.
Do take a look in the rear view mirror of life…it may well
be the elixir you need to get out of your humdrum existence, march ahead in life and make your dreams reality.
