Home away from home

Dear girl who is leaving home for the first time,

Congratulations on taking this brave and exciting step. I am sure you feel scared, excited, uncertain and free, all at the same time. Don’t worry…this is a step that will change your life like nothing else would and take you to a new level of growing up altogether.

If you are anything like what I was, then you may be in quite a mess at first. Everything will seem tough, frustrating and undoable. You may have advanced degrees in finance, but those aren’t going to help you find the fuse box in your apartment when the electricity conks off or give you the insight that silk isn’t a fabric for machine wash. You may have been able emerge victorious in fights with your sisters or parents, but your fierce landlord or bossy flat mates aren’t going to give in out of love for you. When you see your pitiable bank balance after paying rent and household expenses each month, the expression “Aate daal ka bhaav janna” will become more than just something you mugged up the meaning of for your Grade ten Hindi examination. These, however, are still easy obstacles to deal with.

There will be times when you will return after a horrible day to an empty house and you will pine for the love and comfort your family provided you in similar circumstances. If god forbid you are ill and stuck in bed all alone, you will remember how all your friends back home forced themselves into your room during similar situations back home, tolerated all your tantrums and cheered you up. When you are unsure of yourself and suffering from low self-esteem because of judgmental peers, you will miss all the people from your past life who stood up for you no matter what and made you feel that you were born to grace the “Fortune’s list of top 100” cover story. 

When you look back at all the times you wanted to break down, quit and take the first flight back home but didn’t, you will feel proud of your tenacity, your fighting spirit and your evolution. You will develop a deep appreciation for all the unconditional love and support you have received in your life. Your parents’ nagging or over-protectiveness will now be viewed out of fondness because now you know that their love shines through. Your friends’ fond teasing and gentle advice will be longed for, because now you know that they had no ulterior motive other than to see you happy and laughing. Simply put, you will become a better friend, daughter and human being.

The best part of this entire process is that it is a journey of self-discovery like none other. In the silence of solitude, the voices in your head will finally be heard. You will start to understand your insecurities, vulnerabilities, strengths and fears. More importantly, you will strive to change what you can and accept what you cant. And with that will come a remarkable sense of peace and happiness.

Maybe you will return to your home eventually, maybe you wont. Maybe you will have a family of your own, maybe you wont. But one thing is for sure…you are the only definite companion you are going to have for the rest of your life. That’s why, however tough it is, don’t give up on this journey till you are perfectly comfortable with yourself.  Everything else, will then, eventually fall in place.

Best regards,

Casper

Be fearless, be free!!

A few weeks ago, in a completely unintended way, I visited my campus. It was the first place I had lived in after leaving home and landing up there after such a long time jolted me back in time. I walked all around the sprawling campus and my chain of thoughts took a new turn…as I walked across the lawn and watched some kids playing with their Frisbee, I wondered why I had never done that in the year I lived there.Or why I never studied in the huge open study area and instead, was always cooped inside my small room. And then it hit me…I had always been scared. Scared of being judged, scared of being laughed at. I was worried that my lack of athletic ability would become the subject of joke or gossip and so I never indulged in anything remotely athletic. I was worried that my comfy attire of old tracks and a t shirt would become the subject of ridicule in the study area and so I never sat there. 

Today, five years later, these seem like such silly reasons to have stopped myself back then. More so, because the people that passed snide comments and whom I mortally feared aren’t even in my life anymore. And yet I let them come in the way of some fun times and great experiences.

How often do all of us do that? How often do we let our fear of being judged, ridiculed or gossiped about come in the way of what we truly want to do? We are surrounded my images of perfection…glossy selfies, vacation check ins, linkedin updates of promotions and we end up feeling inadequate as a result. But that’s an unfair competition isn’t it-you are comparing yourself on your worst day to others’ on their best days.

Besides, most of the people who intentionally put you down or make you feel miserable are probably doing it to cover up some insecurities of their own. Why let their pettiness pull down your self esteem? As long as you are honest with yourself about your shortcomings and strengths, how does it matter what others think or say? When I was a child and someone hurt my feelings, my father used to tell me that in five years’ time, in all probability, I wouldn’t even remember that person’s last name. And that is exactly how things have turned out most of the times.

It took me a long time to realise some of these things, to make peace with some of my shortcomings and failures. It also made me make some difficult choices-let go of people whom I loved deeply but who put me down relentlessly and made me feel bad about myself, to stand up for myself at work when I felt I was being treated unfairly and most importantly, to make my happiness a priority. However, the peace, calm and confidence it has brought me is worth the while. I still have a long way to go…I still have many ups and downs…but at least the journey has begun!