Be fearless, be free!!

A few weeks ago, in a completely unintended way, I visited my campus. It was the first place I had lived in after leaving home and landing up there after such a long time jolted me back in time. I walked all around the sprawling campus and my chain of thoughts took a new turn…as I walked across the lawn and watched some kids playing with their Frisbee, I wondered why I had never done that in the year I lived there.Or why I never studied in the huge open study area and instead, was always cooped inside my small room. And then it hit me…I had always been scared. Scared of being judged, scared of being laughed at. I was worried that my lack of athletic ability would become the subject of joke or gossip and so I never indulged in anything remotely athletic. I was worried that my comfy attire of old tracks and a t shirt would become the subject of ridicule in the study area and so I never sat there. 

Today, five years later, these seem like such silly reasons to have stopped myself back then. More so, because the people that passed snide comments and whom I mortally feared aren’t even in my life anymore. And yet I let them come in the way of some fun times and great experiences.

How often do all of us do that? How often do we let our fear of being judged, ridiculed or gossiped about come in the way of what we truly want to do? We are surrounded my images of perfection…glossy selfies, vacation check ins, linkedin updates of promotions and we end up feeling inadequate as a result. But that’s an unfair competition isn’t it-you are comparing yourself on your worst day to others’ on their best days.

Besides, most of the people who intentionally put you down or make you feel miserable are probably doing it to cover up some insecurities of their own. Why let their pettiness pull down your self esteem? As long as you are honest with yourself about your shortcomings and strengths, how does it matter what others think or say? When I was a child and someone hurt my feelings, my father used to tell me that in five years’ time, in all probability, I wouldn’t even remember that person’s last name. And that is exactly how things have turned out most of the times.

It took me a long time to realise some of these things, to make peace with some of my shortcomings and failures. It also made me make some difficult choices-let go of people whom I loved deeply but who put me down relentlessly and made me feel bad about myself, to stand up for myself at work when I felt I was being treated unfairly and most importantly, to make my happiness a priority. However, the peace, calm and confidence it has brought me is worth the while. I still have a long way to go…I still have many ups and downs…but at least the journey has begun!